Sex, drugs, and macroevolution

I've been meaning to try this for a while, but finally pulled it off this year. The idea is to have students in my Macroevolution course invent a mnemonic to remember the geological table. This was not my original idea, rather SJ Gould wrote in his book Wonderful Life that he did the same thing in a class at Harvard. Gould presented his favorite of all time, which was a poetic review of a pornographic movie called Cheap Meat:

Cheap Meat performs passably, [Cenozoic, Mesozoic, Paleozoic, Proterozoic]
Quenching the celibate’s jejune thirst, [Quaternary, Tertiary, Cretaceous, Jurassic, Triassic]
Portraiture, presented massably, [Permian, Pennsylvanian, Missisippian]
Drowning sorrow, oneness cursed [Devonian, Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian]


I told the class I'd give extra credit to the mnemonic voted as the favorite. There are 160 students, so the TAs and I have selected a few of our favorites to be nominated for the voting. We were looking for creativity, humor, and grammatical and logical wording. So here are a few to choose from. Please vote by April 25 to decide the winner!


Perhaps not too surprisingly, especially given that these students are mostly ~21 year-old undergrads, and given that the example given to them was a review of a porno, many of the mnemonics were sexual in nature. Two were just plain X-rated - I indirectly told the students in lecture about these, but I decided it may not be appropriate to present them in their full glory a public lecture. Instead, I will paste them below - if you are not over 18, if you are easily offended, or if fellatio is illegal in your state, read no further!!

Call my penis pappa
[Cenozoic, Mesozoic, Paleozoic, Proterozoic]
Quit talking crazy just
[Quaternary, Tertiary, Cretaceous, Jurassic]
Tongue pappa please
[Triassic, Permian, Pennsylvanian]
Make daddy shoot out come
[Missisippian , Devonian, Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian]

Your favorite? Then vote for "pappa"


X-Rated number 2:
Come over sexy damsel, my pocket pride tolerates juicy candy ticklers quite prevalently.
[Cambrian, Ordovician, Silurian, Devonian, Mississippian, Pennsylvanian, Permian, Triassic, Jurassic, Cretaceous, Tertiary, Quaternary, “Periods”]
Your favorite? Then vote for "pocket pride"


X-Rated number 3:
Penises, Constantly Quiver Through, Muscle Contractions, Just The, Pleasant Peripheral Pleasure Most Drunken Students Obtain Casually
[Phanerozoic,
Cenozoic Quaternary Tertiary,
Mesozoic, Cretaceous, Jurassic, Triassic,
Paleozoic, Permian, Pennslyvanian, Mississippian, Devonian, Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian]
Your favorite? Then vote for "casual pleasure"


Here is an X-rated pair from one young lady:
1) College Male Pricks Pick
Quick-Tongued Chicks, Jumbo Tits,
Porn Portraying Massive Dicks, Sex, Orgasms, Clits

2) College Makes Promiscuity Permissible:
Quick, Take Chances! Just Try…
Produce Passionate Memories: Davis, Storke Orgasms Call!
[Cenozoic, Mesozoic, Paleozoic, Proterozoic]
[Quaternary, Tertiary, Cretaceous, Jurassic, Triassic]
[Permian, Pennsylvanian, Mississippian, Devonian, Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian]
Your favorite? Then vote for "college males"


Here's an R-Rated trio of mnemonics by one author - perhaps borderline NC-17, depending on how violent the "dutifully stimulating mastication" gets. Number One is a nicely worded political statement and Number Three the NC-17 device. All three follow the same order for the periods and eras of the Phanerozoic:

1. Present circumstances merit precaution quick thinking can justify. The problematic president’s mal-action does seem oddly classified.

2. Pleasingly cunning my Penelope queen Took care, justly, to preserve; preventing malicious dudes Stealing Odysseus’ crown.

3. People copulate making progeny. Quiet touching can joyfully turn pleasing palpation. Mastication dutifully stimulates - overcoming common-sense.
Your favorite? Then vote for "triple threat"



While we're on the theme of political statements, here is a passionate plea for world peace:
Can men practice peace?
[Cenozoic, Mesozoic, Paleozoic, Proterozoic]
Question the chaos, justify truth,
[Quaternary, Tertiary, Cretaceous, Jurassic, Triassic]
Pacify people’s malice,
[Permian, Pennsylvanian, Missisippian]
Discontinue struggle, operation ceasefire
[Devonian, Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian]
Your favorite? Then vote for "world peace"


And a little more on politics - nice rhythm, nice rhyme:
Clinton’s Quivering Tricks,
McCains Charlatan Jingoist Tics,
Poles Predicting Pennsylvania
Do Sense Obama's Campaignia
Your favorite? Then vote for "Obama"



A brief plea for a pants-off dance off:
Pants Can Obstruct Sex
[Paleozoic, Cambrian, Ordovician, Silurian]
Do Make Pantless Party
[Devonian, Mississippian, Pennsylvanian, Permian]
Your favorite? Then vote for "dance off"


More on dancing:
Quality Tequila Caused Jessica To Playfully Perform Many Dances Standing On Chairs
[Quaternary, Tertiary, Cretaceous, Jurassic, Triassic, Permian, Pennsylvanian, Mississippian, Devonian, Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian]
Your favorite? Then vote for "tequila"


I announced this as one of my early-submitted personal favorites in class, a mildly sexual, perfectly sensical mnemonic for the seven periods of the paleozoic:
“Cocktails on second dates make people promiscuous”
[Cambrian, Ordovician, Silurian, Devonian, Mississippian, Pennsylvanian, Permian]
Your favorite? Then vote for "second dates"


It was not only sex, but drugs also, that dominated the mnemonical themes. Here's word from a discriminating smoker:
Cruddy Marijuana Producers Provoke Quarrels That Continually Join The Pissed Purchasers,Depleting Student's Obsessive Cravings.
Your favorite? Then vote for "crud"


And finally, some of my favorite miscellaneous devices:


Here's a dialog on the anti-evolution debate:
Can monkeys produce people? Questions timelessly clashing justly together People perpetually meditating Does science overrule creationism?
Your favorite? Then vote for "science rules!"


Even though I am a fairly rabid Green Bay Packers fan, having grown up in Wisconsin (a Brett Favre statue stands on my office shelf right next to my Charles Darwin bobble-head), I like this NFL mnemonic, with only a few extra - mostly minor - words, by an obvious Chargers fan:

Charger Quarterback Throws,
[Cenozoic, Quaternary, Tertiary]
Catches &, Jumps, Touchdown for More Points.
[Cretaceous, Jurassic, Triassic, Mesozoic, Paleozoic]
Packed Crowd, Delighted,
[Permian, Carboniferous, Devonian]
San diego Offense Conquers.
[Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian]
Your favorite? Then vote for "Go Chargers!"

A frustrated student of quantum mechanics:
Quantum theory creates jumbles that permeate pensive minds, destroying semblances [of] order completely.
[Quaternary, Tertiary, Cretaceous, Jurassic, Triassic, Permian, Pennsylvanian, Mississippian, Devonian, Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian]
Your favorite? Then vote for "Quantum Theory"


An exuberant ad:
Close Out Sale! Don’t Miss Practical Prices!

(Cambrian, Ordovician, Silurian, Devonian, Mississippian, Pennsylvanian, Permian)
Totes, Jackets, Clothes!
(Triassic, Jurassic, Cretaceous)
Top Quality!
(Tertiary, Quaternary)
Your favorite? Then vote for "Close out sale"

A couple of literary mnemonics:
Ode to Fawkes the Phoenix (Dumbledore’s pet from Harry Potter)

Crying marks phoenix’s palingenesis.
(Cenozoic, Mesozoic, Paleozoic, Proterozoic)
Quills turn crimson jubilantly,
(Quaternary, Tertiary, Cretaceous, Jurassic)
Time passes, phoenix majestically develops
(Triassic, Permian, Pennsylvanian, Missisippian, Devonian)
Sacred opulent coat.
(Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian)
Your favorite? Then vote for "Fawkes"

and Lord of the Rings:

Cruel Mordor, perilous place
[Cenozoic, Mesozoic, Paleozoic, Proterozoic]

Quest too crucial, jeopardous task,
[Quaternary, Tertiary, Cretaceous, Jurassic, Triassic]
Persistently pursuing Mount
[Permian, Pennsylvanian, Missisippian]
Doom, Sauron’s orcs challenge.
[Devonian, Silurian, Ordovician, Cambrian]
Your favorite? Then vote for "Tolkein"


But after all is said and done, I think this one gets my own personal vote:
Certain Old Sedimentary Deposits Move Pure Paleontologists To Jaunty Celebration
[Cambrian, Ordovician, Silurian, Devonian, Mississippian, Pennsylvanian, Permian, Triassic, Jurassic, Cretaceous]
Your favorite? Then vote for "Pure Paleo"